If I Knew You Were Coming...

If I knew you were coming I'd have baked a cake, baked a cake,
If I knew you were coming I'd have baked a cake,
How do you do?
How do you do?
How do you do?

If I knew you were coming I'd have hired a band, the biggest band in the land,
If I knew you were coming I'd have hired a band,
How do you do?
How do you do?
How do you do?

Fast Forward Is The Way Forward

It must be an illness. Maybe it's a form of OCD. Whatever it is, I can't seem to take my finger off the 'fast forward' button. I can't help but feel I'd simply get bored of experiencing life at 'normal' speed. If I take my finger off the button, it would be like taking my finger off the pulse, or taking my eye off the ball...

Is this circumstantial? Is it learned behaviour? Or is it the way forward? I'm increasingly leaning toward the latter and it's not an excuse or justification for an unorthodox way of doing things, it just makes sense to me: Why would you want to 'take things slowly' when you're most likely going to end up with the same result?

One could argue that the investment in time can yield better results - you're more likely to measure and weigh up the ingredients properly if you're not under pressure. However, that could be contested by the perfectly plausible argument that some people work best when they are under pressure. My argument is simply that I don't feel there is any pressure, it just suits me better to be constantly in fast forward mode because demons arise when I'm forced to slow down and reflect.

Time’s A Great Healer, If You’ve Got The Time...

If you ever have the time to sit and watch the world go by, try to see the parts and characters people play. It can be a wonderfully refreshing experience to unmask strangers from a distance; picking out the ones that wear their hearts on their sleeves from the ones that have an alter-ego act down to a ‘T’. Then try to figure out where you fit into the show – are you upstage, downstage, a passing spectator?

I don’t want to live forever, but when I’m happy I want to be immortalised. The trouble is that happiness is a variable, ever changing state of mind and I’d probably tire of the masquerade that life often becomes on this ‘stage’ we call Earth. It gets more interesting when you start analysing what emotions, actions or reactions the other characters in your play are trying to get out of you. Some people play a part beautifully well, but they are often the people that are always on the lookout for an audience and more reaction than just yours.

Like removing emotion from a complicated heart-felt issue, adopting this method of thinking has helped me no end in dealing with something deeply upsetting – rejection. There is no reason why I should be upset about a significant ex getting with someone else other than their desire to rub it in my face to get a reaction that makes them feel a tiny bit more self-worth. I would have been genuinely pleased and relieved to learn that he, too, had met someone else – if it had been done maturely, sensitively and hadn’t been turned into some twisted, insensitive competition about who’s ‘getting over who quicker’ and ‘under who easier’.

I held back saying anything until I was left with no choice. I was worried about how he’d feel; I didn’t want to upset him. Things just happened and I even tried to fight that, too, but it just seemed that everything I wanted in a partner was delivered at the most inconvenient time – a special delivery I had to sign for and take home, so I did – the chemistry was superb, the intellectual stimulation was a high scorer, the physics were faultless and I hadn’t laughed like that in a long time. I fell for him, but did I make a special effort to rub this in anyone’s face, least of all my freshest ex? No, I didn’t. I didn’t have the time or the abysmal lack of sensitivity and tact to go and rub salt into the wounds of someone I loved for 18 months.

Happiness is relative, subjective and difficult to quantify, but would someone who is genuinely happy do that? And yes, time is a healer, but if you don’t diagnose a problem properly it could turn out to be a killer. Watch out for the causes and the symptoms – negativity, selfishness, insecure people putting you and your efforts down all the time, people masked as friends and lovers who don’t genuinely want to see you happier than they are, those who are forever looking at their bank balance and material gains – and avoid them at all costs. 

Time doesn't wait and neither should you.Time is precious and 'allowing time to heal' should not be used as an excuse to delay you from taking another chance. We weren’t compatible enough in sufficient ways to make it work without it feeling like work. The  relationship was simply a play on a stage that was held together by just physical attraction and a slightly narcissistic ideal. I haven’t lost anything and have learned a great deal about myself.

I hope he’s found what he was looking for. I think I have.