Sunday 23 January 2011

Hard at the Top...

You know what they say. “It’s harder to stay at the top than it is to get there...” It’s true. It’s just that much more annoying when you put that saying in a sexual context and you think of and all the attention that comes along when you’re not ‘available’. Why does this happen? Do we really give off the impression we’re not interested when we’re ‘committed’, or is the impression that much more alluring that the vulchers smell us from a mile away?

To be honest, I haven’t spent much of my adult life as a single man, but when I have, I’ve found it notoriously difficult to sustain somebody’s interest. It's depressing when the interest I’m showing is wholly disproportionate to the interest I’m getting back. But then, I have had times when I’m fresh out of the confines of a relationship and that interest is plentiful enough for me to savour several ‘pies’ at once – that’s one of the greatest comforts you can experience, in my opinion.

Professionally and personally, I’m the sort of person who likes to please everyone. I’m not a ‘conflict resolution’ expert but I do get my fair share of negotiating in my job and I really enjoy the challenge. However, it's not much fun when my personal reputation is at risk and I have to ‘let them down gently’ when trying to suck-up to others for personal gain.

I’m a serial flirt. Man, woman, dog, cat; it doesn’t stop me. Until I get the impression it’s being taken seriously! When that happens I’m faced with the huge dilemma of whether to cut it dead or let it take its course – there’s no in-between in my mind.

What I find is that the more ‘sucking-up’ you do, the less results you’ll reap. Getting interest is easy, but there’s a fine art to flirting without crossing the line. It’s a tricky balancing act between dismissing interest altogether and acknowledging it. Weak is the man who acts on it!

There’s a beautiful guy at work and anybody would be forgiven for thinking he bats for my team, but he’s only interested in ‘cats’ – I’ve investigated this. In that security, I find it impossible to stop flirting with him. But there’s another guy whom at first you’d think has never heard of Dorothy, let alone be a friend of hers, and he has the opposite problem to me – innuendo should be his middle name and he stops at nothing. The sexual connotations just fall out of his mouth and I’m not the only person they’re targeted at.

This is particularly difficult to handle on Friday afternoons when the cases of wine piled in the kitchen are opened and the contents flow freely. One glass and my inhibitions are forgotten. This poor guy must be prematurely celebrating the fruit of his hard labour, while I’m panicking on reflection, questioning if I may have gone too far with my responses this time. I digress. Getting back to the point, it’s wonderful being at this plateau of interest, but should I even try to maintain it in this case, or am I playing with fire?

I once worked on a PR campaign that warned small businesses of the pros and cons (more cons than pros) of sexual relationships at work. I.e. an employee that develops a sexual relationship with their boss could be given preferential treatment in relation to promotion, time off, etc. But that’s not where it ends – what happens when the relationship turns sour and a law suit ensues? You could both easily end up being sacked and the compensation pay-outs could cripple the business in the process.

It doesn’t have to be a boss-employee affair to end in drastic circumstances. A similar turn of events can occur with two employees of the same pay grade and I’ve known larger businesses to demand their employees sign ‘love contracts’ – legally-binding agreements that effectively waive your right to sue the employer in a discrimination case if it’s in any way related to emotional or sexual relations with a fellow employee.

Banter is one thing, but crossing that sexual line with a colleague can have far-reaching implications for your career. I’ve also known people to have been dismissed when a personal relationship started at work turned sour and the fools were unable maintain their professional integrity by keeping it under wraps – that’s difficult to do, especially when one half ends it for the right reasons and the other becomes incensed with rage. You can't expect your boss to take sides, they can't afford to.

This must happen in most work places. Even my old boss, a highly successful, career-driven PR Guru in her early forties and single without kids has this problem, but with the clients. I have friends who have fallen head over heals with a colleague and it's broken their hearts. Lucky for them, they still have their jobs. This is where some real negotiation skills get an airing and can test you to your limits.

The ‘top’ is a different place for everyone, but regardless of your success, the higher you are, the harder you’ll fall. I don’t think many people plan to fail; they just fail to plan and set themselves up for a fall. On that note, I think I’m right not to have a middle ground between dismissing sexual advances at work and acknowledging them – it has to be viewed as black and white if you value your career more than getting your rocks off.

I love my job and the company and I'd be devastated if my happiness there was compromised in this way, because it would be totally my fault and stupidest mistake I ever made. So the balancing act goes on and makes work evermore interesting. I just pray I don't become colour-blind or start seeing everything as a 'grey area'.

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