Monday, 7 March 2011

Time’s A Great Healer, If You’ve Got The Time...

If you ever have the time to sit and watch the world go by, try to see the parts and characters people play. It can be a wonderfully refreshing experience to unmask strangers from a distance; picking out the ones that wear their hearts on their sleeves from the ones that have an alter-ego act down to a ‘T’. Then try to figure out where you fit into the show – are you upstage, downstage, a passing spectator?

I don’t want to live forever, but when I’m happy I want to be immortalised. The trouble is that happiness is a variable, ever changing state of mind and I’d probably tire of the masquerade that life often becomes on this ‘stage’ we call Earth. It gets more interesting when you start analysing what emotions, actions or reactions the other characters in your play are trying to get out of you. Some people play a part beautifully well, but they are often the people that are always on the lookout for an audience and more reaction than just yours.

Like removing emotion from a complicated heart-felt issue, adopting this method of thinking has helped me no end in dealing with something deeply upsetting – rejection. There is no reason why I should be upset about a significant ex getting with someone else other than their desire to rub it in my face to get a reaction that makes them feel a tiny bit more self-worth. I would have been genuinely pleased and relieved to learn that he, too, had met someone else – if it had been done maturely, sensitively and hadn’t been turned into some twisted, insensitive competition about who’s ‘getting over who quicker’ and ‘under who easier’.

I held back saying anything until I was left with no choice. I was worried about how he’d feel; I didn’t want to upset him. Things just happened and I even tried to fight that, too, but it just seemed that everything I wanted in a partner was delivered at the most inconvenient time – a special delivery I had to sign for and take home, so I did – the chemistry was superb, the intellectual stimulation was a high scorer, the physics were faultless and I hadn’t laughed like that in a long time. I fell for him, but did I make a special effort to rub this in anyone’s face, least of all my freshest ex? No, I didn’t. I didn’t have the time or the abysmal lack of sensitivity and tact to go and rub salt into the wounds of someone I loved for 18 months.

Happiness is relative, subjective and difficult to quantify, but would someone who is genuinely happy do that? And yes, time is a healer, but if you don’t diagnose a problem properly it could turn out to be a killer. Watch out for the causes and the symptoms – negativity, selfishness, insecure people putting you and your efforts down all the time, people masked as friends and lovers who don’t genuinely want to see you happier than they are, those who are forever looking at their bank balance and material gains – and avoid them at all costs. 

Time doesn't wait and neither should you.Time is precious and 'allowing time to heal' should not be used as an excuse to delay you from taking another chance. We weren’t compatible enough in sufficient ways to make it work without it feeling like work. The  relationship was simply a play on a stage that was held together by just physical attraction and a slightly narcissistic ideal. I haven’t lost anything and have learned a great deal about myself.

I hope he’s found what he was looking for. I think I have.

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