Ignorance is indeed bliss. Some people really aren’t clever enough to look past the end of their noses, and as frustrating as that can be, sometimes you’ve just got to love them for it. My best friend always said ‘complete idiots are rare’, but my God, I’ve come across a lot of them lately. Or at least they’re pretending to be.
Not being aware of what’s going on around you protects your innocence (to a point) and keeps you safe. But when someone you love, who is hurting you, cannot understand the effect their actions have on you, you need to question their motives. I’ve found a good way to deal with this is to simply make an educated guess; if they did or could understand how their actions affect you, would they be upset about it or defensive?
It’s hypothetical, so unfortunately this method cannot provide a black or white answer, but it’s a start. Quite often it throws up more questions than it does answers, but at least it keeps things moving in the right direction and I’ve started questioning my own motives by analysing another’s.
Far too many people seem to think they can get something for nothing, and to me, that is some evidence that they must be complete idiots. I’m no Mother Teresa – I get a lot of pleasure from pleasing others, but not when my efforts go unnoticed and unappreciated. And certainly not when these fuckers carry a metaphorical pair of scales and are constantly weighing up what they’ve done for me versus what I’ve done for them. If I, too, were keeping a log book, they’d be crushed under its sheer weight! But I don’t, and neither can I recall specific examples at the drop of a hat. Give me time, however, and I will, if I must.
Nobody’s perfect and there’s a balance that must be struck in friendships or relationships, but the effort to achieve that balance will be futile if you cannot understand what’s important to one another – how can you score if you don’t know what you’re aiming for? And how can someone else appreciate your efforts if they don’t understand the effort you’ve gone to?
The answer is simple – with difficulty, and the efforts will probably be wasted. I learned this over the last few days after having a very sincere, calm and gutsy conversation with my ex-boyfriend about ‘where it all went wrong’ – something that could not have happened in the heat of the break-up, but which we’ve managed to do by remaining friends.
I see the error of my ways now and I’m so deeply distressed about them. I’m appalled that I was so ignorant and became so complacent. He’s appalled he didn’t handle it better. We’re appalled we let the communication break down and the resentment build up. We were made for each other and we still fucked it up.
They say the last thing to die is hope. The lesson here is ‘don’t rely on hope when not all else is dead and you have other choices’. Leave hope for those who really need it and make another choice, while you can.
I’m so grateful we’re still in each other’s lives. I’d have never understood the full extent of the part I played in destroying the relationship otherwise. I’m grateful to have stayed around and communicated for long enough to learn a valuable lesson from this relationship and therefore grow as a person before entering the next one.
It wasn’t just him; it was both our faults it didn’t work. I was just clearly too quick to throw in the towel and call it a day.
Now I must be one of the complete idiots, but maybe it’s time I let him go...
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